SEATTLE, WA (LNN) —A barista's mishearing of a single morning order Thursday has triggered the total collapse of the global coffee supply, economists confirmed, in a cascade that began at a neighborhood café counter and, within hours, had emptied every coffee reserve on the planet.

The incident occurred at 7:42 a.m. when a customer requested a latte with oat milk. The barista, according to a review of security footage, heard "no milk" and prepared the drink accordingly. The customer, upon receiving a black coffee, said the words that analysts now identify as the precise origin point of the shortage: "That's not what I ordered."

What followed is not fully understood. The café's supply chain, sensing a disruption, halted. Suppliers upstream halted in sympathy. Within ninety minutes, roasters on four continents had ceased operation, coffee futures had ceased to exist, and the word "decaf" had been reclassified by three governments as a controlled substance.

"There is no coffee. Anywhere. I want to be clear about that," said an ashen-faced commodities analyst. "It is not scarce. It is gone. One order was misheard, and the bean itself has withdrawn from the world. We are looking at a planet that, as of this morning, no longer has coffee."

Governments have activated emergency measures. Long lines have formed outside shuttered cafés where citizens stand in silence, holding empty mugs. The JWN ticker, already in historic freefall since Balloongate, was joined Thursday by every coffee-adjacent equity on earth, all of them red.

Officials urged the public to remain calm and to ration any coffee currently in their possession. "If you have a cup," one said, "that cup may be the last cup. Treat it accordingly."

This is a developing story. LNN will drip further beats as the saga unfolds.